Humility in Leadership: Myths, Fears, and Truths

Humility-leadership-kate-nassar Humility in leadership conjures vivid images in leaders’ minds. The images seem to fall into opposite camps: indecisive wimpiness or non-arrogant self-confidence.  It’s fair to say that if your image of humility in leadership is one of weakness… then you are not likely to strive for HUMILITY!

On the other hand if you see humility in leadership as the self-confident strength to lead others to shine, you are on your way or almost there.

What if you want to move from seeing humility in leadership as weakness to embracing its strength? Or perhaps you as a leader already embrace it but your leader doesn’t.

I’ve walked this journey with many leaders. So let’s walk it now.

Humility in Leadership: Steps to See Strength

Humility in Leadership: Myths, Fears, Truths (Image by: Dopamind via Flickr Creative Commons License.)

Humility in Leadership: Myths & Fears

Change involves owning your own fears for they can either create myths or extend themselves. What common fear-based myths, stop your growth to humility in leadership?

  • Fear of being a weak leader.

    New leaders, transitional leaders, and long time leaders all know they have strengths and weaknesses. Those who sense their own weaknesses more intensely than their strengths, often fear being seen as a weak leader. Will people see them as too nice to lead? From this fear comes the myth that humility in leadership is indecisive weakness.

  • Fear of being disrespected.

    Like dominoes, one fear based myth leads to another. Leaders who believe the myth that humility is indecisive weakness, fear being disrespected as a wimp. They then embrace the myth that being a strong non-humble leader builds respect. Certainly, there are many real problems that develop under weak leaders including bullying among teams, power struggles, culture of blame, finger pointing, low morale, and even chaos. Ironically, the same trouble can develop with non-humble leaders. I have seen both — over and over and over.

  • Fear of entanglement.

    This fear is often subconscious and hidden from leaders’ awareness. There are personality types as well as past experiences that drive leaders to avoid true connection with those they lead. They see connection as entanglement and loss of objectivity. They then attach this fear to humility in leadership, and form a false conclusion: Humble leaders lose their objectivity and can’t handle tough conversations with employees. Humility does not cause a loss of objectivity. In fact, it strengthens it. Humility keeps you in learning mode and objectivity comes through knowledge.

Myth: Humble leaders lose their objectivity and can’t handle tough conversations with employees.” ~Kate Nasser #leadership #peopleskills Tweet this!

Humility in Leadership: Truths

  • Humility elevates purpose above the personal.

    Leaders’ humility guides all toward the greater goals instead of personal whimsy. It balances the empathy to connect with the objectivity to achieve.

  • Humility celebrates all talents encouraging all to contribute for success.

    Leaders’ humility naturally inspires, for it highlights everyone’s abilities instead of just the leaders’ strengths.

  • Humility removes the veneer and shows leaders’ greatness.

    Humility is transparent. It shows who and what leaders are. Team members trust this authenticity and engage without the distraction of hidden agendas and politics.

  • Humility is stronger than any yell!

    Leaders who check their egos at the door have far greater influence. Humility keeps leaders listening. Humility replaces the ego — the target of conflict — with “we go“. This inspires contribution and models ideal teamwork behaviors. Conversely, it is always a problem when dominating solo type leaders demand teamwork.

  • Humility smooths resistance to change and growth.

    Humility fosters continuous learning. It allows and encourages everyone to learn from mistakes for the benefit of all. This is a prerequisite to change and growth — the secret to business success. In fact, companies fail when the market changes and they don’t. Humility in leadership feeds a culture of learning and flexibility. No one method, nor practice, nor view, nor person is cast as best. The goal is to listen, perform, learn, and succeed.

Humility in Leadership: What Ifs

What if you as a leader practice humility yet the leader you report to sees it as weakness?

  • Find out specifically what that leader sees as weak? Small changes in your behavior can close the gap between you and your leader without abandoning humility.
  • Consider what if any cultural and personality differences there are between you and your leader. These differences impact how people view behaviors and describe their impact.

What if you as a leader practice humility and the teams see you as weak?

  • Ask them where and when do they need more strength from you? Humility is not generally the culprit. Most likely there are stressful situations that you are not seeing. Remember humility is not abandonment. Assist where they need help.
  • Engage team members and discuss your leadership style. Leadership evolves and their expectations may be ahead of your evolution. Be open to learning from them.

What if you as a leader are being told to develop some humility?

  • Write down how this makes you feel before you respond else you might react defensively. Then ask for specific examples of where your behavior needs to change.
  • Review the fears and myths noted above to guide your journey of growth. Have you worked with strong humble leaders? What did you learn from them? Have a mentor or coach help you evolve and refine your leadership style.

Humility in leadership is not a label nor a fixed set of behaviors. It is a mindset of inclusion and a model of continuous learning for success. It honors and engages all. It builds tremendous trust and sustains all especially in tough times of change.


So we’ve come quite a distance. What other what ifs shall we discuss?

Leaders in Beta: Testing What Works

Leadership BetaLeaders in Beta: Most likely as a leader, you use one or more online services that are ‘in beta’: the service is available for use whilst still in development. These user experiences during the beta phase provides invaluable feedback for the developers to improve the product, and further enhance the user’s experience. They test what works, and then build from there, and continue to improve the product.

Authors like Seth Godin, Hugh MacLeod and Derek Sivers have also embraced this idea from a marketing perspective, i.e. not waiting to ‘ship’ creative ideas until the final version, but they start small and continuously improve upon the feedback from their fans.

Due to the complex challenges we face in the world right now, leaders would benefit tremendously by embracing a ‘beta mindset’ by not only having a clear, long-term vision of where they want to go, but also being able to adapt quickly, by continually collaborating with those that are affected by their leadership.

Lessons From Generation Y Leaders

The idea of leaders being in ‘beta’ is already being practiced globally by a breed of young leaders. Millennials, also called Generation Y, are accustomed to continuously getting immediate feedbackby being tuned in to their social network. These young leaders bring this outlook on life with them in their professional and entrepreneurial endeavors. They seem to have embraced a natural beta mindset .

This generation has a strong faith in their own skills while still being open -even eager- to receive feedback from others for improvement. They collaborate  easily with others, because they understand that is the only way to reach their big goals. The do this without a need to protect position or status. These leaders have a vivid imagination of a better future, whilst presently taking baby steps and doing the work that needs to be done at the moment. They know, in the end, it is not about themselves, but about the impact of their actions on the people they serve.

Keys to Creating a ‘Leaders in Beta’ Mindset

Leaders in beta is a mixture of ambition with humility. For the leader, it requires the understanding that it is ok not to know everything. That it is a great gift to get honest feedback because it helps you to improve your performance. It starts with accepting that you yourself, as a leader, are in perpetual beta mode. Everyday, there’s a new you, ready to do what is necessary while pursuing the long term perspective.

For many of those online services we use every day, we accept their beta status. We don’t mind paying for the service, and we accept a responsibility for improving the product as long as we get enough added value for the fee we pay.

In the current context, accepting the beta status for leaders is imperative for change. There’s an urgent need for a complete re-design of society, of the economy, institutions and communities, to better serve the common good. This challenge needs inclusive and collaborative leaders, ambitious, and humble enough to see their main task to test what does work and what does not, on our way to a better future.

It doesn’t stop there. As we follow those other leaders, it’s our responsibility to provide feedback whilst following their leadership. The time of “consumption only” is gone, which is a good thing; deep down, we all want to have a meaningful contribution to the world around us …that’s human nature. Talking about nature, nature itself is built around the beta concept, it’s called evolution. Life on this planet as we know it has always been in beta status. It’s the species most adaptable to change that survive, and the leaders living the beta mindset that thrive. There is no need for radical changes, we must start small, step by step – testing what works, and making changes.

Lets keep the conversation going. What “updates” will you install today to enhance your internal operating system? What user feedback offers valuable insights for your performance? How can your leadership service get better by embracing collaboration with your users? Are you ready to launch yourself as a leader in beta?

Please leave a comment below.

Connect with Hans Balmaekers: Website | Twitter | LinkedIn | Facebook

The Leadership / Parenting Analogy

LeadershipI recently heard a poem, that while amazingly simplistic, held a very powerful message about parenthood. But later, when I found the text of the poem online and read it, I was amazed at the how the same message could ring true to leadership and management. I am fascinated at the intricacy of leadership and the lessons that can be pulled from all walks of life, including as in this case, parenthood.

The poem below is called “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte, PH.D. As you read this replace the word children, with employees, and see how closely leadership parrallels to parenthood.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Comparing Leadership to Parenting

I know all these attributes do not necessarily align with employment traits. But I sure would rather manage and lead the employees that were raised by parents that taught the positive attributes, than the negative ones. Additionally, if your leadership style follows the practices of the negative traits in this poem, it is scary to see what kind of employee you might be developing.

Other Good Leadership Reading

You might also read “How To Be A Horrible Leader – 50 Bad Leadership Traits“, which would be a good read after reading this post.

One of my favorite books on parenting is called Parenting Kids: To Become the People Employers Really Want and… America Desperately Needs! by Charles Fay Ph.D.

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So, now that you’ve read this article, how are you going to use this information to bring greater leadership to your or your organization? Or perhaps greater parenthood to your family?

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Never Underestimate The Lowly Peasant In Front Of You

I was at a couple conferences recently and a familiar topic came to mind, that is the value of those you network with.  The reason why this topic stuck with me because I had an interesting conversation with the CEO of an association that serves the IT industry.  There was an exclusive party for technology vendors and sponsors at this conference. I was invited by one of the technology vendors.  I was just a guy that had recently resigned and was looking for other opportunities.  I guess to the lay person, I was an unemployed nobody.  As with any party, I circled the room and talked with people about what they did and what companies they were from.  I met some fascinating people.

During the party, I ran into the CEO of the association that was putting on the conference. I congratulated him on the event and engaged in small talk. He then asked who I was and who I was with. When I explained that I was not with anyone and that I had recently resigned and was looking for other opportunities, he kind of shook his head, chewed some food and non-chalently turned around and started talking with someone else.  I stood there in in awe at this experience.

I don’t consider myself prideful, but later I thought to myself. Does he realize I run the largest IT operations oriented peer group with CEO’s from 3 continents? Does he realize I have almost 10,000 social media connections, of which at least two-thirds, work in the IT industry?  Does he realize that I write guest articles for an IT Industry Channel blog that is read by thousands of IT executives? Does he realize I have been asked to speak at several IT industry events in the coming year that will be attended by thousands of IT executives? Does he realize I have a book that will be published soon by a major publisher? Does he realize I was invited by one of the vendors paying him money to be there?

No, my head is not getting big. I guess to the lay person, I am an unemployed nobody. But who knows where I will be in a few years and what kind of influence, good or bad, that I could have on his association. I have often heard people say that they only connect with fellow peers of equal or greater position. I always respond that I connect with just about everyone (I have a few moral exceptions).  I tell them, that I will connect with people from other industries, because someday the IT industry could drastically change(i.e. Cloud Computing).  I explain that I will connect with an entry-level technician, or customer service rep., because one day I may need to hire one, and one day that person might be CEO of their own company. I will connect with an artist, because I might need one (I have), or any just about any other person, because you never know who they know. Perhaps they are the son of a Board member that will make a decision about having me come into the company.

The point I am trying to make goes back to the golden rule.  Treat others as you would like to be treated. Treat others with respect and interest, because you never know when you may need their help or when another might help you for no other reason than, they can. 

Breeding Enemies with Success + Humility in Leadership

It is said by some that there must be balance in all things.  Good versus Bad, Positive versus Negative, Light versus Dark.  I have come to ponder this recently.  I would like balance in life…like anyone. An 80 hour work week followed by 80 hours of fun and play would be awesome. Unfortunately the world does not work like that and I personally believe that balance is a myth for the most part.  (But that is another story)

In the last 6 months I have become increasingly aware of persons that were previously colleagues or friends, perform actions that undermine my success. This idea of balance came to mind and it has troubled me greatly. I recently spoke with a friend who is the CEO of a $65 million dollar company. I asked him if he had found this to be true.  He affirmed that it is has absolutely been true for him. We shared stories on the subject for a bit.  It was refreshing that I was not alone in this, but disheartening to think of the future. 

I have made lots of mistakes over the years and I know I will make more. Those mistakes have taught me great lessons.  Lessons that I believe have helped contribute to some of my success.  I do not claim to be a successful person.  I look at what I have done alongside so many other capable people and I feel quite small. So I wonder to myself, if the little success that has followed me can bring such an opposing force, what will the future bring?

I am not usually a fan of the lists of leadership qualities. You have all seen them.  “The XX Leadership Qualities Essential to Success”. Just input your favorite number and you will find a list on the Internet. I think they have their purpose, but there are successful leaders out there that run the whole gamut of good and bad on these lists. The one quality though I am not sure I have ever read in these lists for a successful leader is humility. Let me explain:

Having some humbleness in a leader would:

  • Prevent one from spreading false rumors
  • Prevent one from saying things that make them appear more powerful, such as supposedly being privy to something that others do not know
  • Help one to recognize the good in others
  • Help one to downplay the bad in others, because they know they have many weaknesses and made similar mistakes.
  • Prevent one from putting blame on others because they are no longer in the same circle of success
  • Prompt one to help others who have made similar mistakes you have
  • Prevent one from taking joy or benefiting in any way from another’s misfortune

Humbleness does not mean one is melancholy. Some of the definitions of humbleness include: being conscious of one’s failings, not being arrogant, being courteous, and being respectful.

The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, “You may have enemies whom you hate, but not enemies whom you despise. You must be proud of your enemy: then the success of your enemy shall be your success too.”

I hope that as leaders we can express some form of humbleness, not seek the misfortune of others and I hope that we can all make friends of our enemies.  

I would love to hear your thoughts, stories and comments on this subject below and if you like this message, please share on the social media channels.

Cheers to your success!

What a 2-Legged Dog Taught Me About Leadership Resilience

Several years ago I was in Argentina on a mission for my church.  On one particular day I walked down a dirt road in a small town called General Castex, located in the Las Pampas region of Argentina.  I spotted an animal at the end of this street, but could not figure out what it was.  It was walking on 2 legs, but did not appear to be a 2 legged animal.  As I got closer to the animal, I stopped and gazed in disbelief.  It was a dog, but no ordinary dog.  This dog had lost the use of both its hind legs in some kind of accident, but strangely enough, it was not immobile.  It actually had learned to walk on its front 2 legs.  When it walked, it would bring the back-end of its body high in the air and walk on its front legs.  It could go up and down steps and across the not so even terrain of a small Argentine street.

I snapped a picture (which I can’t seem to find) and knew that there were a hundred lessons to be learned from that animal.  But the primary one ……is resilience.  Resilience is the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched.

I have often felt bent, broken, compressed and stretched as a leader.  I am not aware of too many leaders who have not.  Particularly at the level of start-ups and small business, the stress and problems can be too much for some to bear.  I know of hundreds of small business owners that struggle in one form or another.  Their lives are tough, they sleep little, they work a lot, their families suffer, and sometimes they wonder if it is really worth it all.

I have been there many times, and while I would like to say that those things are behind me, I know that my trials are most likely preparing me for something more difficult.  Only time will tell.   

I can’t say I have all the answers, but I’d like to share a few thoughts I have on how to foster resilience in your own life.

  1. Cling to Your Spiritual Side – If you are religious, cling to that.  If your “religion” is to get out in nature, do it.  In tough times I think we need to feel the hope that there is something, someone, or some force out there that can assist us.  It helps us to feel peace and to gain perspective.  Sometimes in the whole scheme of things, our trials really are insignificant.  The peace and perspective that is gained from spiritual renewal can help us logically think through problems and bounce back bigger and better.
  2. Learn – Reading and learning about others who have struggled, and learning ways that I can improve myself have been one of the most rewarding effects in my life.  It has also helped me find out-of-the-box answers, and better perspectives for many of my problems.  Sometimes I am the problem and I need to learn how to better myself, sometimes it is an operational or communication issue.  If you notice a weakness that you or your organizations has, don’t wait, buy a book, take a class, and start gleaning knowledge from others that will prepare you for life’s “bends”.
  3. Ask For Help – Entrepreneurs and leaders tend to have a built in pride gene that is hard to turn off.  I think it is just as important to accept help, as it is to help others.  Asking and accepting help, requires humility.  There are so many professionals out there that are more than willing to share their insight and offer assistance in many ways.  Get out there and ask for help, the worst thing that someone can say is “No”. 
  4. Manage Yourself – Manage your time, manage your energy, and manage your communication.  It is easy to get into bad habits when one is going through a hard time.  This could be bad eating habits, bad sleeping habits, bad time management, focusing on things that are not important, and poor or short communication to those who are central to your success.  You probably need every resource you can muster.  Don’t waste it by falling into common stress traps, which will work against you in bouncing back.
  5. Focus But Keep Proper Perspective – Stay focused on the problem.  Few problems go away by ignoring them.  It may require a lot of work that you do not enjoy, but things will not get any easier if you can’t bounce back, so you have to focus on the problem and not deviate.  But while you are focusing, keep proper perspective on other important things in your life.  If you work really hard to bounce back or solve a big problem, but in that time you completely ignore your family, or ignored an important part of your business or an important customer, then all you have done is fixed one problem and caused another.  You are not any better off.  Communicate with others about your problems and explain what your plan is.  Focusing does not mean you have to ignore everything else.
  6. Persist – I can’t imagine how how many times that dog must have fallen before it was able to balance itself and walk on 2 legs.  If it had just given up after a few falls it would probably have been dead.  Keep getting up!  Sometimes answers come in the final hour of struggle.
  7. Know When To Call It Quits – This may seem to counter the post, but we are talking about leadership resilience.  Sometimes you need to know that the effort to fix a problem isn’t worth it.  Maybe it will require too much money or too much time, whatever it is, you need to know when let an initiative die and move onto bigger and better things.   Bouncing back may just mean moving on.

 

Warren Bennis, a great organizational consultant and author once said “The leaders I met, whatever walk of life they were from, whatever institutions they were presiding over, always referred back to the same failure – something that happened to them that was personally difficult, even traumatic, something that made them feel that desperate sense of hitting bottom–as something they thought was almost a necessity.  It’s as if at that moment the iron entered their soul; that moment created the resilience that leaders need.

I hope that iron can enter all our souls so that we can be more resilient in our lives and leadership capacities and ultimately achieve all the goals we have set for ourselves and our organizations.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, experience, or comments below.