Are You a Truly Successful Leader? Here’s How to Tell!

Leadership-In-The-Home“You have two weeks to live.” The doctor closes the door and leaves you to your thoughts. As you sit there, trying to process what you’ve just heard, what are you thinking about? Seriously. What matters now? With whom will you long to spend your last moments? Doing what?  What will you wish you had done differently? What will you be so grateful you did?

One of the top regrets expressed by terminally ill patients was that they wished they hadn’t worked so hard. “They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.” They “deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

As essential as they are, success and leadership in both community and business still pale in comparison to the consummate importance of leadership in the home. Unfortunately, many smart and talented people passionately pursue leadership at work and passively accept leadership at home. Hence, the thriving careers and businesses… and the failing families.

No other success can compensate for failure in the home.” ~David O. McKay

Even From There—My Story

My dad was gone before I was born. Step dad after step dad; each failed to rise to the role of a true leader in the home. I ended up out on my own at an early age; hurting, struggling… desperate. I vividly remember one cold, lonely Christmas Eve, sitting by myself in a very dreary, despicable place. On a night when we should be celebrating with family, I sat alone watching my breath in the frigid air. The loneliness was almost more than I could bear. That night became one of the turning points in my life.

I DECIDED I would have a family that would always be close together. A family that would be created on the highest principles and values and would be filled with love and happiness. A family that would be built with an unbreakable bond. I was determined to create a fantastic family, to be a leader in my home;  and I was ready to do whatever it required.

I went after it like a cheetah chases a gazelle. I read and studied voraciously, I still do. I observed and interviewed both the successful and the unsuccessful. I wanted to KNOW what it takes to be a world class husband, father and leader.

I’ve found the answers, and I’ve continued studying marriage, parenting, personal development and leadership for 18 years; and teaching it around the globe.

Today, my amazing wife and I have an incredibly blissful marriage. No lie, our marriage rocks! We have six wonderful children, with whom we love to travel the world and really enjoy life. As I write this article, I am looking out over the lush mountains below our temporary home in Costa Rica.

Happy Families

If I can climb from where I started to who I am, then you can too. Today, right now, can be a turning point in your life; the day you decide with all your heart and soul, to be a leader in your own home.

None of us need look very far to realize that leadership in the home is MIA—missing in action. Parents are so stressed out; their lives are filled with anxiety and turmoil. So many are failing to rise to their full potential as leaders in their home.

Families are falling apart. The divorce rate is pathetically high. Many of those who stay together are unhappy, and merely co-exist.  The chasm between parents and children is widening. The bonds are breaking.

The family is the fundamental unit of society and eternity, and is the basis for true happiness and fulfillment in life. The quality of your family life directly affects everything else you do!

It’s time for you to lead! What is leadership in the home?

  • It’s putting your family first, and proving it with your time and attention.
  • It’s working on yourself harder than you work on anything else. Pursue personal greatness as a spouse, parent and a leader.
  • It’s putting in the time and effort for real preparation and performance at home.

How long and hard did you study for mastery at the university level or in the work place? Does your effort and commitment for mastery in the home match or exceed that? Have you studied successful marriage and parenting even half as hard as you studied for a thesis or dissertation?

Family is the most important part of this life. Is that truth evident in your thoughts and habits? Is your quest for excellence in the home even half as passionate as the quest for material success?

No matter your past. No matter your circumstances. You can become a phenomenal leader in your home.

Children are a gift from God. One day He will ask for an accounting of this most precious stewardship. I challenge you to live in such a way, that on that day, you will be able to look up with confidence and say, “I was a leader in my home.”

Reach upward!

Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

The Death of the Hero Leader

Leadership-Hero-LeaderThe old way of leadership is dying.  We can no longer wait to craft or discover the ONE leader who can create a culture of success. The new model requires a mindset of partnerships, not followers.  Leaders of today recognize that everything they do impacts the mindset of others AND they accept the responsibility to recognize this impact in order to choose their actions.  The intent of this mindset is to form partnerships for successful implementation and engagement on strategies, projects and initiatives.

Molly Harvey of Molly Harvey Global (UK) calls this new leader the Social Artist.

There are many adjectives to describe the Social Artist.  These include transparent, congruent and high integrity.  The challenge is never the description.  The challenge is in the behaviors to become a Social Artist.  What does a Social Artist DO?  How can you become a Social Artist?

In my twenty five years of work as a leadership development coach and consultant, it is clear to me that leaders need to move away from the “to do” list of leadership traits and competencies to a mindset of leadership.  That is, to BE a leader not DO leadership.  Following are three keys to being a Social Artist.

Be Present

Being present is the strongest leadership skill you can possess. You don’t always have to be right or be the wisest person in the world to be an effective leader, but being present will create the greatest amount of trust and respect. 

While researching my book, Leadership Energy: Unlocking the Secrets to Your Success, one of the survey participants summed up the “be present leader”, saying, “In a confident, almost charismatic and very friendly voice, my leader looks me in the eye and delivers compelling statements which tell me he genuinely cares about the business, the customer, and the team (me) in a balanced manner. He provides enough information to demonstrate thoughtful consideration, provides direction, asks what help I need, and makes time for me when I ask for 15 minutes to chat during which I always have his complete, undivided attention.”

So how can you be present when your organization, your projects, your customers/clients, your family, and your team all need so many things from you? Here are three practical tools you can use to bring things back into focus:

  1. Take charge of the speed dial: our natural tendency when we are juggling many things is to move faster. Leaders need to slow the speed dial for effective solutions.
  2. Turn down the volume: high speed and high anxiety turn up the volume on everything. Quiet your voice, quiet your mind, and turn down the volume.
  3. Move one step at a time: focus on what the next step is.

Be Clear

As leaders gain followers, the followers look to the leader to create roadmaps of where to head for success. For many new leaders, the creation of this road map can seem overwhelming.

The majority of leaders I work with are high-achievers. What motivates a high achiever?  Getting an “A” on every endeavor they undertake. Now you become the leader who needs to set the road map or vision for you team. There are no guaranteed A’s on this road map. Granted your organization has a vision and goals, but for most followers, the organization’s vision gets lost in the many demands they have.  Gallup organization’s Q12 Engagement Survey found that “the best workplaces give their employees a sense of purpose, help them feel they belong, and enable them to make a difference.” What does that mean for the vision you set for your team?

Leaders are often promoted to their leadership position based on hard work and results, not on creating vision and engagement for their team. As they move into these roles, they need to shift from being 80 percent technical expert to 80 percent people expert. That is a major challenge, so what do you do?

Being clear is not about adding complexity; being clear is about simplifying. Start by asking yourself three questions:

  1. What do I want for my team?
  2. What does my team bring to the organization?
  3. What do we want to achieve and celebrate as a team?

The answers do not lie in numbers and profits. Most employees don’t get out of bed each morning trying to hit a profit number.  Think beyond numbers and profits; think about the types of successes and the reasons you and your employees want to bring passion, focus, and results to their world of work.

Be Genuine

Above all else, you must be genuinely you. Don’t be a mini-someone else. You have to operate knowing that you have everything you need to be a leader. Can you polish a few things? Sure. Will you learn ways to become more effective? Absolutely, but the canvas that you work from is you. I rarely meet a leader who is 180 degrees off the mark in being a leader that others want to follow.

Here are three things to increase the level of genuine you’re bringing to the office:

  1. Be vulnerable; if you don’t know, admit it.
  2. Admit your mistakes and then make it right.
  3. Act with integrity. Integrity means to do the right thing even when no one is watching.

If you focus your leadership on being present, clear, and genuine, your leadership confidence, focus, and results will grow. As you grow, so will your team. Everyone wins!  It is the impact and responsibility of the Social Artist.  

Please share your thoughts in the comments section!