I was at a couple conferences recently and a familiar topic came to mind, that is the value of those you network with. The reason why this topic stuck with me because I had an interesting conversation with the CEO of an association that serves the IT industry. There was an exclusive party for technology vendors and sponsors at this conference. I was invited by one of the technology vendors. I was just a guy that had recently resigned and was looking for other opportunities. I guess to the lay person, I was an unemployed nobody. As with any party, I circled the room and talked with people about what they did and what companies they were from. I met some fascinating people.
During the party, I ran into the CEO of the association that was putting on the conference. I congratulated him on the event and engaged in small talk. He then asked who I was and who I was with. When I explained that I was not with anyone and that I had recently resigned and was looking for other opportunities, he kind of shook his head, chewed some food and non-chalently turned around and started talking with someone else. I stood there in in awe at this experience.
I don’t consider myself prideful, but later I thought to myself. Does he realize I run the largest IT operations oriented peer group with CEO’s from 3 continents? Does he realize I have almost 10,000 social media connections, of which at least two-thirds, work in the IT industry? Does he realize that I write guest articles for an IT Industry Channel blog that is read by thousands of IT executives? Does he realize I have been asked to speak at several IT industry events in the coming year that will be attended by thousands of IT executives? Does he realize I have a book that will be published soon by a major publisher? Does he realize I was invited by one of the vendors paying him money to be there?
No, my head is not getting big. I guess to the lay person, I am an unemployed nobody. But who knows where I will be in a few years and what kind of influence, good or bad, that I could have on his association. I have often heard people say that they only connect with fellow peers of equal or greater position. I always respond that I connect with just about everyone (I have a few moral exceptions). I tell them, that I will connect with people from other industries, because someday the IT industry could drastically change(i.e. Cloud Computing). I explain that I will connect with an entry-level technician, or customer service rep., because one day I may need to hire one, and one day that person might be CEO of their own company. I will connect with an artist, because I might need one (I have), or any just about any other person, because you never know who they know. Perhaps they are the son of a Board member that will make a decision about having me come into the company.
The point I am trying to make goes back to the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Treat others with respect and interest, because you never know when you may need their help or when another might help you for no other reason than, they can.
About Todd Nielsen
I love the arrogance you see at many functions, especially when I get to occasionally rub it in to those who are most deserving of it. Having left school at 16, it is always amusing when someone asks, after a good interview for an article, where I went to university. The answer life brings laughter but some uneasy looks. As someone who eschews the ties and shirts for what it comfortable I also find myself shunned for not ‘looking the part’. If I wanted to do that, I’d go off and take one of the extras roles I often get offered but, to date, have rarely had the confidence to accept.
One of the biggest areas of this snobbery is job interviews. Out of need, a few years ago I considered going back into the regular employment market. I was informed by every recruitment agency I spoke to that no-one wants to hire a 40 something with no degree. It didn’t matter what I’d done or my ability to do the job, I just wouldn’t get past the CV triage that HR departments love to do. They were also concerned that with a beard and long hair, I wouldn’t be taken seriously.
Like you, I’ve spoken at a lot of conferences, get to spend a lot of time with CEO’s, CTO’s and distinguished engineers in the IT industry as well as musicians, writers, authors, hockey players and people who make children’s toys. I don’t care who connects to me across different social media because I’m happy to talk to anyone.
It will be interesting to see how many respondents to your piece have ever faced this snobbery or would be willing to lie to avoid it.
Was it Kant who said, “Never treat another person solely as a means to an end”?
Networking events often put us in difficult situations. Of course, we’re there to advance our own agendas, whatever they might be. And we have to be strategic about how we use our time, knowing when and how to move on from one conversation to another.
And at the same time the only way we’re going to make worthwhile connections — the underlying reason for networking, in my opinion — is to be kind.
I’m not sure the Golden Rule applies here. The CEO might have been happy to be snubbed by someone who thought there was no value in having a conversation with him. I, however, would not want to snub him, because doing so would be a betrayal of my values and sense of self.
I respect you for sending your article to him.
I can relate!
I have a ‘similar yet different’ presence in my field yet like to fly solo at professional conferences, speaking engagements, etc. because it allows me to accept last minute after-hours invitations without worrying about another person’s schedule. This solo route often means that unless somebody reads my name badge, the vendors are often unaware of who I am.
Last fall I was speaking at an international event in Las Vegas. While casually strolling the vendor room, I was rudely dismissed by a vendor because I appeared to not be worth his time. His younger assistant googled me while his boss was acting bored with my tough questioning of the date backing his product. I finally walked away chuckling to myself. Less than 2 minutes later, this vendor was running down the hall calling my name. “Doctor Maston… I’m so sorry. I had no idea who you were!” I stood still, smiled and said, “If you’re only nice to me because you now know who I am, I would be conflicted to promote you to my colleagues. I only back nice horses with kindness for everybody – and sir – that doesn’t appear to be you.”
Many of the attendees overheard me and I was later offered a few gigs because of that exchange.
Play nice, my friends. You never know who you’re talking to.
Dr. Maston
Hi Todd
I saw this article through Hoda Maalouf’s G+ community ‘Inspiring the Young and Hungry’ and this certainly should do that! I agree entirely that the golden rule should apply and I, like you, value people regardless of their so-called ‘status’. The person in question displayed a lack of humility,insufferable arrogance and disdain. Knowing where you are now, I just wonder whether my mother’s old adage has borne fruit, as she would often say in such situations, “What goes around, comes around!” In this, I am a profound believer!
Great post and thank you for sharing this way back then! The world has moved on greatly for you since that time I know … and yet the golden rule still pertains! I appreciate you my friend!
Kind regards
John
Todd,
A very compelling interaction. First of all, I empathize with you. Secondly, his dismissal of you and your value is unacceptable — pure and simple. His actions discredit him while spearing you.
As The People-Skills Coach™, I immediately thought of much he could have said/done instead:
—————
1) Explored what brought you to your courageous step to resign. There is so much to be learned when people take unusual steps.
2) Ask you what opportunities you were now considering based on your experience. He may have found something you could do together. After all this is networking!!!
3) Share some of his insights about starting something new. When we share something of ourselves, we grow and receive.
4)Wished you great success in whatever journey you undertake. Never ever miss an opportunity to build rapport and good will.
There is no way for us to know his intentions, skills, or inner thoughts. Needless to say, his actions spoke volumes that will echo in your mind for a long time.
Warmest regards,
Kate
Excellent article. The golden rule has been around for thousands of years and I don't think anyone has ever been steered wrong because of it.
Nice! Thanks for sharing!
Todd,
Thanks for the great article and good point. I advise my career blog readers the exact same message – to treat everyone with respect no matter what their title or level is. You just never know who can help you, refer you, or make an introduction in the future!
“Judge a person’s character by how they treat someone who cannot help them in return.”
Best,
Christie
Well said Christie!
Thanks for your comment.
Thanks,
Todd
If we could change attitudes, we would change the world.
It is the thorny problem I am dealing with at the moment.I feel it has its roots in:
What you hear you forget: what you see you remember: what you do you understand.
Most people just know this as a saying – but my husband put it into practice when working as a car mechanic in a remote rural location.
He charged $30 an hour for the repair: $45 if the customer watched: $60 if the “helped”.
This is understanding the power of presentation: the power of education and the potential for engagement. he went from car mechanic to someone who educated and empowered in one simple step.
Thanks for an excellent article – and I hope my brief account gave you food for thought.
Thanks for your comment Leo. There is no doubt that my presentation could have been greater, I was not necessarily trying to get anything from him though. As you mentioned it was the manner in which the exchange took place and the turning away in mid-sentence. Thank you for your thoughts and insight.
Hello Todd,
Interesting story. Indeed, it’s a philosophy I’ve always tried to follow: everyone has value. It’s not up to them to prove it to you; it’s up to you to discover what that value is.
Having said that, however, I have an observation. Consider the CEO. He’s also there to seek opportunities and to evaluate what could benefit his company and its position in the market. Being a big-named CEO, his time is most likely very much in demand. In addition, his organization has made an enormous investment in this conference and I’m sure, if he’s worth his salt, he’s continuously scanning the environment to see what returns their investment are delivering.
So then along comes this guy, you, who at first blush has nothing of value to offer. So the CEO inquires. And what response does he get? Does he hear a pitch from someone who can potentially add value? Does he hear someone who is talented and accomplished and is looking for a way to apply his talents? Nope. He hears, “I’m not with anyone, I’ve recently resigned and am looking for other opportunities.” In other words: here’s someone who really doesn’t know what he can offer, has no idea of what value he can add, and is only here to take instead of give.
My point is not to defend rude behavior. Simply dropping you to talk to someone else was antisocial behavior and the CEO was wrong to do so. However, his behavior was a reaction, as far as I can tell, to a weak and ill-prepared presentation. Perhaps I’m overreacting and that’s not at all how it really went. But an additional philosophy I try to follow is: consider the perspective of the other. Have understanding for their situation, respect their time and if you have something to offer, then say so.
Thank you for the opportunity to add my two cents. I enjoy your blog and am happy to be able to contribute to the discussion.
Yours,
Leo
I applaud you for the fact that despite such a response, you move forward and create a great, thought provoking post. The world is changing, and it’s not always about your current employer.
Oh, and I love the painting. Cezanne?
Todd,
I recently had a similar experience at a conference. I work for an audio visual integrator and more and more frequently our work is interconnected with the work of the IT department especially in terms of IPTV systems.
Tens of thousands of dollars per month is being spent on IT integration with A/V by our company.
The head of the association sponsoring the conference said he didn’t understand why an audio video company would be at the conference and then turned away.
I am glad that I continued networking at the event despite his snub because I found two companies that specialized in IT integration with A/V in areas where we are expanding.
Thanks for your article.
Richard Burns
It’s All About Satellites
itsallaboutsatellites.com
Hey Todd
Oh man it’s tough when stuff like this happens. But such a level of depersonalization is pretty common these days. In my view, there are costs far beyond the “this person might be useful to me someday” level. It’s just plain soul killing.
I think the greater, more difficult question is about intervening. What would it be like to wait a moment, then go back and say to the CEO, “You might not have meant it this way, but I just felt snubbed. Help me understand why you turned away when I said I was not employed.” You wouldn’t do such a thing because you think you’ll get to the other person or “win” in some way; you’d do it just as a matter of integrity and self-respect, and attempt at understanding, not wanting to make assumptions where none were warranted. Of course it’s a risk, but would you actually want this person’s favor if they intentionally decided to off you because of what you truthfully shared?
If you asked me what I would have done, I would have done exactly what you did, I think (and had some conflicts with it in my head and heart later). I would have accepted it and moved on with a certain grace and facility for rationalization. But it really raises questions about who we are here, our fundamental courage, the outright need to intervene because we’ve been violated. Maybe it won’t “do any good.” But there are deeper questions here about the nature of the whole social environment and code of power and how we ourselves participate in the very problems we say we want to solve.
Thanks for a great article!
Thanks Dan, I actually emailed the CEO the other day and sent him the article. I told him I have nothing against him or his organization. I decided to do this because I came to a realization that if I did this to someone else unintentionally then I would hope to be told anbd not let a bad rumor float around. He read the article, thought it was well written and was just sorry it was about him. I think letting it sit for a few days allowed me to be calmer. Had I approached him at the time I think it would have been awkward for the remainder of the conference. In the end we have a deeper relationship and mutual respect. So all good. 🙂
Todd, it seems some of our brightest may lack wisdom.
Treat all with respect, unless their actions/words prove otherwise. The “lowly peasant” may be more than he first appears.
I always believe that everyone has something to contribute. Each person has a skill or knowledge that is unique and superior to mine.
Thank you for the perspective!
That is a great philosophy to live by Fred. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you!
Good point – well put!