“Stop grooming me!”
“I don’t want to be like you.”
“I don’t want to lose the core of who I am.”
“I want to lead like me, not you!”
“My team has damn good results and they are happy… just how is my “smiling less” going to help the situation?”
“Will pricey shoes really make a difference?”
I have seen strong, competent leaders drop back because they don’t want to be “groomed.”
These leaders fear losing their souls.
They fear…
- The politics
- Form over substance
- Compromising their values
- Being asked to “groom others” into in-authenticity
- What would you add?
Susan Mazza, asserts that we don’t have to change our core in A Myth That Thwarts Leadership.
“There is an unspoken belief for many that if you get to a certain level or position you will have to change who you are.”~Susan Mazza
Is it really a “myth?”
When I tweeted out Susan’s quote this weekend, a follower tweeted back,
@LetsGrowLeaders Hope this change would be for the better and the best interest of the employees.
And there’s the rub.
We may not ask leaders to change who they “are”… but we often ask them to change how the “act.” ~ Karin Hurt Tweet this!
Grooming is Helpful
Develop executive presence. Teach leadership. Improve style. Helpful grooming uncovers authenticity and expands capacity.
Helpful grooming strengthens who you really are.
“Grooming” is helpful in…
- organizing thoughts
- softening rough edges
- making messages more hearable
- channeling passion
- navigating political landscapes
- stake holding
Grooming Is Dangerous
Grooming is dangerous when we…
- impose our preferred style
- ask leaders to change core values
- stifle creativity
- create clones
- over-tame passion
- reward form over substance
- allow politics to trump common sense
Grooming can go too far. Some visionary leaders are choosing careers off the grid. We need them.
How do we shift the tide?
About Karin Hurt
I would ADD that those that promote “serving leadership” do grooming to leadership with not knowing the wrong of doing it! Unfortunately there are more and more promoting and pushing this type of “leadership”….
Bravo for keeping the pendulum swinging somewhere in the middle. Yes, grooming can go too far and become artificial; shaping superficial things versus substance. Yet also, grooming is not only important but also necessary for most business professionals. To have good presence, to communicate crisply and clearly, and to effectively guide teams are not capabilities that most people are born doing well. They need to develop and improve these capabilities which you might call… what… Grooming!
Loved this article Karen and thanks for the shout out to my article as well. Particularly love this point: “Helpful grooming uncovers authenticity and expands capacity.” It also helps to see where the authentic self is being covered up by learned behavior that is neither helpful or authentic.
Hi Karin – Thank you for drawing the distinction between what’s helpful grooming and what’s not in managing executive presence.
As an executive coach for high potential women leaders, I am sometimes asked to work with them on their “executive presence” – it is such an elusive term and I am loath to ask them to change who they are — it just creates resistance. I loved your quote “Helpful grooming uncovers authenticity and expands capacity”.
You’ve given me a way to have this uncomfortable conversation.
Henna
Hello Karin,
Fabulous case in point! People resort to all kinds of leadership warfare tactics under the grooming umbrella-which are either antiquated or extinct! The essence of grooming as you rightly touched upon lies in empowering them not extorting them to join the me-too bandwagon! I loved Giselle’s point on creating mini-mes!! Bang on!:)
This is a lesser know fact in India that it’s not your leadership potential that will inspire and influence the followers-but your thought leadership! Its time these aspiring leaders and their mentors understand the difference between the two and the importance thereof! My mantra for these thought leaders and their grooming mentors (groom-tors) is simple: ‘Think, Do, Inspire Action.’
Warm Regards,
Tanvi
Tanvi, wow! Thanks so much for adding your perspective and experience in India. Thought leadership… what an important approach to take. (groom-tors). LOVE IT!
Karin,
Great post and catalyst for further thinking.
I’ve seen leaders in small businesses here in Trinidad and Tobago do exactly as you described. The short version: Try to create clones. This is uncomfortable for most “leaders in training” since they are asked to do things that do not sit right with them. They are asked to be more forceful. They are told that they don’t need to be friends with their team etc. It’s more about “how they look” versus “the results that they’re getting.” This way is sure to stifle all creativity and innovation in those organizations. They are fraught with “people challenges” and blame these problems on everything under the sun but themselves. For practitioners it means having the courage to speak the truth when working with leaders who think that leadership is about creating “mini-mes” because THEY are so effective! (Big ego in the way here). Because if we are too afraid to REALLY help them and employees are fearful that if they say anything they will be victimized then there is absolutely no way forward.
How do we shift the tide? Be courageous and tell the truth.
Giselle
Giselle, thanks so much for sharing your observations. It is very interesting that you are seeing this same pheomena in Trinidad and Tobago as well. Agreed. Telling the truth is so vital. Thanks for sharing.