A colleague came to the door today,
Solitude was his name.
We hung out awhile,
and talked about the game.

Then another knock …though I barely heard;
I went to the door, to see who it could be.
Lo and behold it was our old colleague, Silence.
So we all gathered ’round, and watched T.V.

It had been a while since I had seen my friend, Doubt;
but he sat down beside me …and started to shout.
So we all argued under a solemn storm, well past the midnight horn.

Then “Mercy,” cried I, “You must all leave.”
“Up to my bed, I must catch my Z’s.”
“But lets do it again, it was so much ….umm, fun.”
“But another time, when there is …sun?”

We saw much of each other, over the years;
in happy times, bad times, good times, and tears.
Then one day we made a crazy goof;
we moved in together, under one roof.

We finally realized it was a bad mistake.
So we all shook hands and went our ways.
promising to get together …one of these days.

But take my advice, its a good route,
if ever you bump into Solitude, Silence, or Doubt.
Don’t stay long, though it be their desire.
For there are others out there, who will lift you much higher.

Though they may be the ones to help over the years,
A leader must find more friends to ease the fears.
Loneliness comes quickly, with Solitude, Silence, and Doubt.
So step down from your perch, and look all about.

The Loneliness of Being a Leader

I wrote that poem over 15 years ago and it recently came to mind, as I observed a situation unfolding with a colleague. I don’t profess to be a poet, and have not written poetry in a long time, but I felt that the message was an important one to share and understand. Those that have run departments and organizations know the heavy weight that can bear down on them while they struggle to make the right decisions. This weight has been described for years under the phrase of “its lonely at the top.”

The burden of knowing that the livelihood of the people and their families under your leadership, may never be easy to bear, especially in times of trouble. We can’t talk it away, or rationalize it, the burden must be carried, decisions must be made …and we have to live with those decisions once they are made.

I won’t say that I never “bunk” with solitude, silence, or doubt …we all have our days. Solitude, Silence, and Doubt, can be really horrible companions to a leader, but they can also be strong advisers to bring about greater understanding. I love leadership, and 0ver the years I have discovered several things that have helped me minimize this burden that can sometimes be great. So much so, that I rarely feel the burden, but instead feel the privilege.

A Leader Should Surround Oneself with People that are Smarter and Different

I use the term “surround” loosely. In this world of information, it is easy to surround ourselves physically and virtually with brilliant minds. Any smart leader knows that to be successful they must have leaders and managers in their organization that have brilliant minds and that compliment your differences. These people must be relied on to give honest advice and feedback. But more so than this even, I have found that surrounding yourself with coaches, advisers, and a personal performance partner, can be hugely beneficial. Additionally, websites like LinkedIn and Focus allow you to ask questions and get advice from a wide variety of brilliant minds. There are also many professional associations made up of peers in your industry that might have the same struggles you have and can offer advice. Ultimately you will have to make the decision you are struggling with as a leader, and live with it; but you should never have the excuse of not having anyone to get advice from.

A Leader Should Eliminate Negative Influences

I am not referring to advisers. I am a firm believer in conflict and feel you must have people around you that will give you different or opposing views. But this world has a lot of negative influences that can bring about doubt and loneliness. I rarely watch or listen to the news, especially any local news. It is always filled with the horrors of the world; and even though they may not be associated with your leadership, it usually does not contain the positive, self-affirming influences that you need in your life that do affect your leadership.

This need for positive influences also applies to: where you go, what you fill your idle time with, what music you listen too, even what you eat and drink. There are so many factors that can bring about a negative vibe in your body and mind, which will not relieve your leadership burden, but add to it.

A Leader should Immerse Themselves in Discovery

I could go on a rant on this topic. The world is filled with so many wonderful books, magazines, and blogs that contain amazing advice. Nothing has increased my leadership acumen, or helped me gain more understanding … than reading. In times of solitude and loneliness, don’t turn away from the brilliant minds that could help you be become stronger and more knowledgeable. Immerse yourself in discovering how to be a better leader.

========================================================================= So, now that you’ve read this article, how are you going to use this information to avoid the loneliness that can come from being a leader?

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